A Whiskey Bathed Mind
by Firing Rockets on Dragons
Summary: He thought about it for quite a while now. He knew how he felt about most people but he never reflected on how he felt towards his father. And he never thought it important to reflect on his feelings towards her. Two-shot Chapter 2: Julia
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Blood+ or any of its characters.

Ever since David's childhood, his father had been nothing but a shadow on the wall, an image engraved in his deepest memories. He never remembered his old man in any special events in his life. Not even when he joined the organization to fight for the cause. But why would he remember? His father is long gone, leaving nothing but an unfulfilled goal.

But despite the absence of his father, he still left an impact on him. His unfulfilled goal molded David's path. Yes, he was nothing but a shadow on the wall, but he was a shadow that watched over his child. Yes, he was only an image in the boy's deepest memories, but he was an image that haunted him. David didn't give it much thought. He decided to take his father's place. But unlike his old man, he felt nothing of his father's passion and he did not understand his dedication. David didn't know why he died for the cause. He didn't know why he dedicated his whole life in protecting that girl. He wouldn't lie. He hated her and he embraced that truth but his father felt otherwise, and he did not understand why. But that's why he followed, because he wanted to know. He knew he had to set aside his emotions if he truly wanted an answer.

It didn't take long for him to see it, though. Soon enough, David saw those monsters with his own eyes. He felt them rip his skin apart. He saw them feed on his companions. But through the horrors he witnessed, he finally found out why his father protected her. He realized that she is the only one capable of defeating those creatures and it is his role to be her caretaker. And having known that, he let go of his hatred and embraced his destiny. He willingly became a shield. Not because he needed to know what his father had stood for, that emptiness had been filled already, but because he held the same ideals his father held onto.

He dedicated his life to it, more than his father ever did. He didn't even thought about raising a family for he knew that if it were to happen, he would only neglect them and worse, history might repeat itself. He spent every second protecting the weapon, he survived all kinds of deaths in hope that she'd be able to defeat those creatures. All the strength he had, he spent for the cause. Every breath he took, he took for the cause. It was difficult and time consuming but he believed in the cause the way his father did. And no matter how much it pained him physically as well as emotionally he still fought for it.

But much to his dismay, the sole reason for his existence vanished before his very eyes. The path he walked for so many years seemed to have reached its dead end. And suddenly, his days felt wasted. And for the first time in his life, he felt as if there is nothing left. Everything he lived for, gone. He didn't know what to do. And he had no father to turn to.

With that in mind and the whiskey tingling his lips, he smiled bitterly. Realizing that throughout the years, the organization hadn't really brought him any kind of joy. In fact, it brought him nothing but misfortune, ranging from his father's demise to the destruction of the organization itself. Pathetic. To think that all this time, he's been drinking himself to oblivion because of the very same organization that destroyed everything he ever lived with and for. He wanted to convince himself that his drinking is a way of celebrating but he knew better than to lie to himself. He is doing it because without Red Shield, he is nothing. And what better way to show one's insignificance than drinking until it hurts no more. He looked at his reflection in the amber liquid. It appeared distorted but it didn't betray the hopelessness in his face. He wondered how his father would react to his foolishness. He was sure that he would be very disappointed to see him in such a sorry state but he still drank the whole glass dry. After all, why would it matter? His father is long gone, leaving nothing but an unfulfilled goal to burden him with.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Blood+ or any of its characters.

This had been the way things are ever since Julia left. He drinks all day while taking a trip down memory lane and at the end of the day, he tries to walk but end up collapsing on the floor instead. Today is no different. So he lay on the floor, his vision swirling. Another day had been wasted but in the last moments of the dying day, he didn't fail to remember her. Why does she always come to mind when he's too drunk to even sit?

She didn't seem special at first. She is a scientist and he's not exactly fond of scientists. He's not fond of smokers either. Julia Silverstein is both. In conclusion, he isn't fond of her. But he had to work with her. She is his colleague. Not only that, she is a part of his team. So he worked with her, without really knowing much about her. He allowed her to bandage his injuries without knowing if she's worth being trusted. Being different from him, she researched everything she could about him because she feels the need to know whom she's entrusting her life with. It's a fact that annoys him to no end. But what can he do about that? She already knows a lot of things. But eventually, without even trying, he taught himself to like her. He found out that she's a reliable colleague and friend. He managed to set aside the fact that she's a smoker but being a scientist is a different story. Her research on his past still wasn't forgiven and the way she can analyze his behavior peeved him to no end. Her unsolicited advice is also uncalled for and he wondered if that's what scientists do. But she said that it's what she does as a woman. It is that part of her he forgot to consider. And it's probably the reason why he couldn't fully understand her.

Yes, he forgot that apart from being a scientist, she is also a woman. That means she feels the need to be beautiful, she feels the need to sleep and she feels the need to free herself from stress. At that point, David realized that being a scientist is more than just looking at researches and specimens. It requires undying passion. And he came to a conclusion that Julia is just as passionate about science as he is about Red Shield.

To think that most of the time, she sacrificed her womanly urges for the sake of it. But because she is different from him, she at least tries to balance being a scientist and being a woman. And he came up with a very reasonable explanation as to why Julia is the way she is. The way she dresses probably has something to do with beauty. And although he never noticed it before, she actually looks attractive. The cup of coffee is obviously a substitute for sleep. He can relate to that because he does the same. The cigarette is a way to release her stress. He found himself worrying about her stress releasing methods but kept his opinions to himself. After all, he hated unsolicited advice and giving one to her will make him a hypocrite. And besides, he is different from her. Unlike her, he does not concern himself with his colleague's personal issues.

And because he didn't bother, who knows what she's doing now. Last time he called her, she didn't answer her phone. She probably has personal affairs to attend to, personal affairs that are much more important than urgent business. Or maybe there's a work proposal with better opportunities to research on chiropterans. After all, scientists sacrifice a lot of things for their passion. And why hold on to something when she can find something much better? Her passion is science, not the cause. She is different from him and he knows it well. Let her go, he thought, she's nothing special anyway. But he cannot help but wonder if he should've given her a reason to stay.

With her in mind and his vision blurring, he thought that maybe he's actually dying. He always feels that way when he's in a position like this. It bothered him that she isn't here to pick up the pieces and put him back together the way she used to. How ironic, she graced him with her presence when he thought he could live without her but turned her back against him when he needs her most. He was dying inside and yet she doesn't come. But he does not wait for her because he knows she had betrayed him. He hated the fact that she comes to mind when he can't drink anymore. He felt too defenseless lying on the wooden floor with no whiskey to drown the thoughts of her away. And before his vision fades away, before he falls into a drunken slumber, he asks himself only one question: Why does she always come to mind when he's too drunk to even sit and it only pains him to know that she won't be there to help him up?


End file.
